..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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