He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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