There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
