this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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