im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
