then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
