my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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