I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
