he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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