It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
