whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
