break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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