Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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