He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
