i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
