he thought i was a dude.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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