The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
