My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize