Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
