I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
