You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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