I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
