I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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