It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
