I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
