my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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