you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
birth control should be required to get into college
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
