he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
