We're facebook friends in real life
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
