I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
