Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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