i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
