Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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