I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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