she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
