Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
