dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
