you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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