Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
