we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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