Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
