Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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