u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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