Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
