You work out of a Hotel?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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