I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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