I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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