drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
