do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
