my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
