I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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