I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
