apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
