I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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