So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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