I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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