I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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