Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
