why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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