i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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