youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
