So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
