so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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