New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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