he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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