I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
