Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
