it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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