if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
barbara walters just said penis...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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