I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
