It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
