I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
