what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
